SISTER POWELL: Cliche
This in Nilla, the Iraqi woman I mentioned in my last email, and the same who fed us so much yummy food. I love her and her desire to know Christ and know peace. I want to be like her when I am grown
This week’s Swedish Surprise happened at zone training we had on Wednesday. An elder walked in that looked so so familiar and I just couldn’t figure out where I knew him from. He comes up to me after and asks where I went to high school. We realized we both went to Hillcrest and ran track and cross country! Who would have thought? It was fun and also so weird to talk about people from high school with someone. So weird that it is so weird!
Monday: Sister C. and I decided they should have a ‘The District: European Style’ because things just aren’t the same here. Oh, and obviously we would be the sisters that are followed around by camera men…. obviously.
Tuesday: We teach a member over the phone once a week that Syster C. knew in another area. He is so sweet and such a man of faith. As we were wrapping up the lesson he offered to say the prayer, and he asked me, ‘Syster Powell, what do you need me to pray for you?’ He then went on to ask Sister C. and then offered the prayer in his own language. I didn’t understand any of it besides the ‘Powell’ but man, the tears were flowing. How often do we do that? Is there anything you need me to pray for? Let me know.
Wednesday: Had a nice little surprised and hugged Sister Austin from my MTC group. Ahh, it felt good to see a familiar face, I have been missing them all so much. Learned more about what it means to be a missionary and hung out with some of the funniest people I have ever met. Missionaries are the greatest people in the world and I love getting to be with them all day.
Thursday: Watched the Mormon Message, ‘Good Things to Come’ by Elder Holland about 9 times. Sister Christison baked me kladkhaka and wrote ‘you can do it’ with vanilla powder. Had a good long chat about this crazy thing I am doing and went to sleep much more motivated and much less sad. I am doing something good and though it is hard I have no doubt it will be worth it. And along the way I get to eat chocolate and meet funny people, so really I shouldn’t complain
Friday: Was prayed for in Persian. I love this gospel. It is true and people make a lot of sacrifices for it. Hearing these different prayers never ceases to bring me to tears. The one day people want to eat with us and we have 5 different meals. We are so stuffed by the end of the day and we think, ‘We could never be missionaries in Utah’. They are chosen souls, let me tell you. We were stuffed with food and so much love. Talked to a young guy and gave him our spill and it sounded so much like a pick up line that we were all laughing. Took a train and saw the prettiest clouds, with a little rain and lots of fog, I just thought about my sweet mama. I cried as I pictured her there, knowing how much she would love this pretty place. It was like a little blessing from God, telling me it’s okay to think of her and of your family. God is good and Sweden is pretty.
Saturday: Stuffed again and this time it was with Iraqi food. So so so so good. We finish one dish and she brings out another, looks at Sister C. and says, ‘I’ll pray for you, you pray for me?’ Finish the next dish and she brings out another. Teach a lesson. Brings out another dish. Then dessert. Then an entire watermelon to finish it off. Oh, these people are good. I love the learn about the beautiful lives that the Lord has let me interact with.
Sunday: I understood the general idea of the sacrament talks! Man, that is a little miracle in of itself. Get to Relief Society and I just laugh, it all goes right over my head. Hahaha. My friend Jonny told me the key is to LOVE the language. I remember reading that and thinking, ‘I hate Swedish and I hate that I have to speak it, heck no, I will never love it.’ I have been working sooooo hard at loving this funny thing I have been called to speak and on Sunday I fell more in love than I have before. This is the obviously the Lord’s work, He is helping me love things more than I ever have before
The night before a race in high school I would be going to bed and the whole time I would ask myself, ‘How do I want to feel this time tomorrow?’ What do I want to accomplish in the next 24 hours? I would wake up the next morning and ask myself again, ‘How do I want to feel at the end of the day?’ I would continue to do so throughout the entire day until I was standing on the line, all warmed up and looking at my competitors and envisioning the finish line and I would ask, ‘How do I want to feel as I cross that line?’ ‘How do I want to feel as I start my last kick?’ ‘How do I want to feel when I talk to my coach after the race?’ My answers were normally the same with every race: I want to feel so darn tired, proud, accomplished, and eventually, numb from an ice bath. I had this goal of what I wanted to feel like and it often motivated me to run fast and run hard. I would think about it as I was running, ‘You want to feel tired Hannah, you want to feel accomplished. Keep going.’
On Wednesday our zone leaders talked about obedience. I always swore I wouldn’t talk a lot about obedience because I feel like every single missionary does and I have just never understood why. I’m like, yeah obey the rules. That seems self-explanatory. I didn’t think it was that hard. I have grown up always being freakishly obedient. I was late to curfew once in high school and I was on a date. I yelled at the guy who got me home late and it was the last time we ever went out. I texted my parents and told them I was going to be late and they said that was fine but I was still just so mad at him for getting me home late! He says, ‘Didn’t your parents say it was fine? Why are you freaking out?’ hahahah. I don’t know. Once my friends and I were talking about sneaking out and we devised the plan and knew what we were going to do and where we were going to meet and everything and I said, ‘Okay perfect! I’ll ask my mom!’ …….. silence. Then my friend, ‘uhh Hannah, we are sneaking out.. You don’t usually ask your parents if you can do that.’ Hahahaha riiiiiiiiiiiight. I asked her anyways. I used to obey my parents only because I didn’t want them to take away my phone or take away friend privileges or something terrible like that. But throughout the years of coming home on time, putting my phone away when asked, and dating boys my parents approved of, my vision of obedience changed. I love my parents. Everyone who knows me knows that my mom is my best friend. We talk about everything and she knows everything that goes on in my life. We have such a good relationship and I think a lot of that comes from the fact that I have always obeyed her. My parents have given me responsibilities and privileges that I have had to work for. My obedience has earned their trust and as a result we have a good relationship. I am always telling Zach, ‘Just stick to curfew and eventually you won’t have a curfew!’ ‘Do what they ask and eventually they will trust you more, I promise!’ But that’s something you have to figure out for yourself.
As I was thinking about obedience on Wednesday I realized that my obedience out here is a lot like the way I obeyed at first to my parent’s rules. I do things because I am afraid of the consequences of not doing them, or what Sister C. will think if I break a rule. I am not obeying out of love. I am not obeying the rules because I love the Lord and I trust His judgment. I am not obeying because I want that good relationship with Him. I am not obeying the way I should.
Our zone leaders went on to explain that the way to feel success, accomplishment, and happiness in a mission is not to baptize the most, not to have the most contacts in a week, not to teach the mission-standard number of lessons a day, it is to obey. They promised us that if we will be obey with exactness and strive to obey out of love, we will come home feeling successful. We will feel like our time was worthwhile and we will feel great satisfaction in our work.
On June 10th I was getting ready for bed and I began to ask myself the same questions I did before a race. As I sat in the room I’d had since I was 4, with it’s hot pink walls and pictures of Zac Efron everywhere I asked, ‘Hannah, how do you want to feel in 18 months? How do you want to feel as you return to this room, full of mission stories and love and a few extra pounds from Swedish food? How do you want to feel as you unpack this suitcase you are now packing up and you say hello to these friends you are now saying goodbye to? How do you want to feel?’ As I hugged my mom and dad and my baby brother on the curb in Provo I asked myself, ‘How do you want to feel as you hug them again? What do you hope you’ve accomplished?’ My answers sounded a lot like those I gave every time I ran a race: I want to feel so darn tired, so proud of this thing I have done, so accomplished, and so ready to face the new adventures that awaited me
With time here I am realizing what it will take to feel like that. What it will take to feel that accomplishment and that happiness in my mission. It will not be that I baptized so-and-so, or that I loved every single companion, or that I learned Swedish, or that I learned new life skills. It is dependent upon my obedience. I will come home and be proud of what I have done if I have done it obediently. And if I have obeyed out of love. That is my new goal. To learn to obey out of love.
Elder Perry has said, ‘Too often we think of obedience as the passive and thoughtless following of the orders or dictates of a higher authority. Actually, at its best, obedience is an emblem of our faith in the wisdom and power of the highest authority, even God.’ I would dare say it is an emblem of our love as well. Obedience is an emblem of love and faith. It is something I am working towards. An elder pointed out that in all of Preach my Gospel, there is one little paragraph on the attribute of ‘Obedience’. Though it is often something missionaries and mission leaders talk about extensively, it is not mentioned much in the actual missionary guide. My personal belief is that that is because obedience is included in everything else. All other aspects of missionary work can have a sub-topic in obedience. Obedience is everything. I am learning more that the obedience in the mission field is what unlocks the power and help necessary to do missionary work. That is power that I have tried to create alone, and I have failed. That is the power that I need to wake up and do this for 16 more months. That is the power that I need to feel accomplished when I see my family again and I return to my hot pink bedroom. That is the power I need to change and improve and bring people to Christ. I am striving to be more obedient. Strive to be more obedient in your own lives. Unlock the power of the Atonement as you follow the rules the Lord has lovingly given you. Develop a stronger relationship with Him and gain His trust. Let Him know that you want to obey and as such you will be given the strength and ability to do the things He has asked you to do.
I am so happy to be here and to be doing what I am doing. I often wonder if I am doing something wrong because I feel like I am constantly just laughing. I used to think missions sounded so boring and I am here just laughing and laughing and smiling. I am so happy and though I am often so sad and so confused I just love being here. Love you all!
Shout outs: Cameo Park YW. I just love you all and thank you so much for your sweet package!
