Sister Powell: Where Are You From?
This week’s Swedish surprise would have to be that I apparently don’t look American. Just this week I was asked if I am from Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia, Syria, Chile, Italy, or Germany. What? Not one single person believes me when I say I am American. Not one! It’s now this fun game where I ask people where they think I am from. Bosnia and Syria are the winners. It’s hilarious because all the people here want to go to America and I’m just like well, you don’t even know what the people look like there so maybe you shouldn’t go.
I decided I would do a nice little schedule of events for this past week because I feel like a lot happened
Monday: Suffering from some p-day blues and we head out to tract. Look on the ground and see one of our Mormon pass along cards ripped up on the ground. We just laugh and laugh and say why we even bother. Met a woman from Iraq and cried with her as we talked about her family and the hurt she has because they are all in Iraq and are suffering. Cried with her as we talked about a single act of love that can make it all better, about a power much greater than that of war, about a person much stronger than that of corrupted officials. Oh that’s right, that’s why we bother.
Tuesday: Guy stops me in the middle of my sentence to ask if I come from Bosnia. No. I don’t. Do you want to learn about God? Go up to order kladkaka and they are all out. I am practically crying because all I want is gosh darn sugary chocolaty goodness. The guy sees how sad I am and brings me out a piece 15 mins. later that he made up for me. I am almost crying again. I go up to pay and he says all I owe him is my phone number. I say me and my friend share a phone actually and if he wants we would love to meet and talk about God. He says, “No, your phone in America after you go home.” Oh, well I won’t be using that phone for 16 months so what’s the point in sharing the number? His mouth dropped and the look on his face still makes me laugh. I told him I’d rather just pay for the darn piece of kladkaka. We are sitting in district meeting talking about one of the elder’s investigators. He is hilarious. The elders say, “He testifies of the companionship of the Holy Ghost and temple work to other investigators. He testifies of the truthfulness of this gospel. But he won’t be baptized!” We are just dying and Elder Allsop, a zone leader who is in our district too says, “Well, I testify of the importance of eternal marriage and I’ve never been married. It’s sorta the same.” We were dying. That is actually very true.
Wednesday: Sister Christison and I decided to do a sugar fast. About 4:00 in the afternoon I am having a headache and am about to have a huge Hannah-like blow up during language study and I just can’t handle the world and I lay my head down to cry or scream or do something very childish and
Sister C. walks over with a bag of cookies. She says, “Sister, I don’t think you should give up chocolate ever again.” So funny! I have a long ways to go with my sugar fasting abilities I guess. I heard “Timber” while out contacting and it took all my self-control not to dance. I think my roommates are the only ones who understand how impressive that is.
Thursday: I am in charge of teaching the English class we have once a week since I am an English teacher in training. The only problem is that I ONLY know English. I can’t really do the whole English as a second/third language thing because I don’t know any other languages. So that is hilarious.
Friday: Rough day with every appointment bailing. Come on people! A bunch of 7 year olds called us fat. Did I mention rough day? We come home to our apartment completely infested with flies. Spent an hour killing them and vacuuming them up. There are dead carcasses everywhere. I’d like to watch us on the jumbotron in the sky in the next life because I am sure we looked hilarious. Running around with anything we can find to kill flies and trying to vacuum them up as they are flying in our hair and ears. We just laughed and laughed and laughed. It feels good to laugh.
Saturday: There was this one track meet in high school where I ran 2 400’s and 2 800’s. I swore from that day on I would never complain about sore legs. Well, I think Saturday my legs were just as sore as they were after that meet. All I wanted was an ice bath! Curse Europeans and their lack of belief in tubs or in ice.
Sunday: Passed out during weekly planning next to a pan of kladkaka. Decided I definitely have a chocolate addiction. Slept through dinner and woke up so disoriented. Went out to tract and couldn’t keep my eyes open. Had yet another dream about Instagram, I think I am suffering from withdrawals.
This week was great. I am just loving this crazy life of mine. It is so hard and I am so tired and I ask myself 30 times a day what I am doing but I am happy. Life is good. We met with a less active this week and we shared with her the ‘Create’ Mormon Message by Pres. Uchtdorf. Its’ a good one and it talks about everyone’s ability and power to create. Oftentimes we feel like we need approval or we need training or we need to do something totally original to create something worth having. Pres. Uchtdorf reminds us though that we are children of the most creative Being in the universe and as such we are all creative people. Our less active said something I loved, “You just need to jump. Take a leap of faith and create something beautiful. You don’t need approval, just jump.
Most of my life I have been so afraid to jump. I am so afraid of doing something wrong or what people will think of me that I don’t bother even trying. I have thought about it a lot this week. I have thought about people that I admire and why it is that I admire them. Most of the time it is because they are not afraid to jump. They have faith and they know that God will catch them. I have never been like that. I am too hesitant.
My aunt sent me a letter in the MTC and it said, “Fly on the wings of grace, He’s got you.” I loved that. I am far too hesitant sometimes to fly on the wings of grace, to fly on the power that the atonement has. Quite frankly, far too many times I just lack faith. I lack the faith that I need to do things that are scary and new. I think about my ancestors, how they took a leap of faith by leaving beautiful Scandinavia and going to Utah. That took a lot of faith. That was a leap. Yet they flew on the wings of grace, knowing full well that the Lord would catch them. I love that. I think about Lehi taking his family to the promised land, that was a jump. That was a leap. That was an action full of faith and full of trust. I think about people who take the time to listen to us on the street, to let us into their homes, to listen to two Americans try to explain the nature of God in Swedish. That’s a leap of faith. That’s a jump. Truly every good thing requires a bit of a jump.
The Bible dictionary beautifully describes faith, “The Lord has revealed himself and his perfect character, possessing in their fullness all the attributes of love, knowledge, justice, mercy, unchangeableness, power, and every other needful thing, so as to enable the mind of man to place confidence in Him without reservation.”
I live in the latter days, in time where the knowledge of the savior is available to me and to us all. I have no reason to hold back, to be reserved, or to shy away from a leap. I have available to me the knowledge of someone much greater than I, with power so much stronger than that of mans. Yet here I am unwilling to use it and to trust him. Here I am afraid to fly on the wings of grace, worried that in fact, he doesn’t have me. Why. Why why why is it in our human natures to not trust?
the bible dictionary goes on to say, where there is true faith there are miracles, visions, dreams, healings, and all the gifts of God that He gives to His saints.
I want nothing more than to have more faith. I want nothing more than to trust God fully with all my heart. I want to see those miracles, visions, dreams, and healings. I am working every single day to trust Him more and to love and understand Him deeper. Every time I open my mouth to say something, I think that’s a little leap. Every time I stop someone on the street or knock on someone’s door, I think that’s a little leap. Every time I just put my name tag on and walk out of the apartment, I think that’s a little leap. And one of these days my little leaps will turn into bigger ones, and I will look back and see that my faith has increased. I have leaped and I have grown and I have more faith. That is what I want. To come home and to be a woman of faith. To love myself and love my flaws and love the mistakes that I am bound to make. To love my mortal limitations yet love the power that I have to overcome them. I think it takes faith to love yourself and to feel comfortable in your own skin. The bible dictionary again describes faith, “Faith is to have confidence in something or someone.”
I have always lacked a bit of confidence. I have always compared myself to others and measured their strengths against my weaknesses. I used to hate the fact that I was so quiet. I just don’t like to talk to people. I used to think I was so weird and nobody liked me because I was more introverted than extroverted. I used to tire myself out every single day pretending to be this super bubbly person when in reality all I wanted to do was go home and read a book. But slowly, with lots and lots of time and with lots and lots of love, I have grown confident in myself. Because I have confidence in my Savior. I am taking a leap of faith every time I wake up and decide to like myself and to be comfortable with my human nature. Those are little leaps but they are leaps. They are all I need.
I feel like this mission is a time for leaps. In reality, I took a big leap when I submitted my mission papers. I took a leap when I decided to hand over 18 months to the Lord, to let Him decide where I would be, who I would be with, what language I would speak, when I would leave. That was a leap. Probably one of the biggest ones I’ve ever taken. I get to have this time to grow in my faith and to trust my heavenly father more. Truly, my aunt’s advice to fly on the wings of grace came at a perfect time. Because some days that is all I can do. I can’t plan for the people I will meet or the things I will experience, so all I can do is fly on the wings of grace. To let the Lord’s plan be my plan. That’s how this entire mission is going to work. I can’t wait to see what other adventures He has in store for me. I am thankful for my decision to jump and for the Lord. He has sent me to the most perfect place and has given me the most perfect people to interact with. I am so thankful for Him and so thankful for this time I have to teach others why and how they can jump: how they can fly on the wings of grace and why it is that we can have faith. I love the fact that I get to believe and trust and love these eternal Beings. There is such safety in this gospel and the message I have been asked to declare. There exists so much confidence and courage available to us all if we will only jump. Take that leap and jump.
