SISTER POWELL: REPENTANCE
Hello family and friends,
LEAVES ARE CHANGING and we are pretty excited about it
This week’s Swedish surprise happened as we were in a stairwell of an apartment building. We look out the window and see a man lying on the sidewalk struggling to get up. He keeps trying and falling and he doesn’t look good at all. Syster C. yells to hurry because she’s afraid he is having a heart attack and we have to go help! We go outside only to find out he is completely and utterly wasted. It’s 2 in the afternoon and he is so drunk it is kinda funny. We just watched him walk down the street with his sober friend who had to hold onto his arm to make sure he didn’t walk into the street. Here we are trying to help those in need but it turns out they are just drunk. Welcome to Sweden.
Monday: 12 sisters went home this week from the mission. We were able to see a lot of them and talk to them before they left. Listening to them gave me a perspective of what I want to sound like when I reach that point. They all said things like, “I feel ready” and “I know I have done all I need to do.” It was a great chance to evaluate how I am doing and ask myself how I can make sure that I do all I need to do before I get to that point.
Tuesday: Taught a member over the phone that Syster C. knows from one of her past areas. He was telling me that there are still three small villages that speak the language that Christ spoke. Isn’t that something??? I thought that was the coolest thing. I pray those villages stay around forever
Wednesday: Visiting a member and she brings us in to the family room, turns toward the TV and says, “Give me a minute, “Greys Anatomy” has about 5 minutes left.” Syster C. and I just sit there like uhhhhhhh.
Thursday: Visiting another member and she asks us, “Can I feed you dinner?!” This woman is from Africa and can’t find work. Money is tight. Really tight. She is the happiest person though and never thinks of herself. We agreed and she was so excited. We watched her daughter as she cooked and she just talked with us. She said, “I know in bigger cities and in Africa the missionaries get fed all the time, but it’s not so much here. This is the least I can do for what you do for me.” Oh I love people. I love people and I love seeing them show pure, Christ like love. That is what this world is about. That is what Christ taught. I love her and I love that I know her.
Friday: District meeting. There are 4 elders in the district who go home in 8 weeks. We were talking about overcoming missionary burdens and someone threw out ‘being trunky’ as a common burden. Talking about how to overcome it, an elder with 8 weeks left says, “Sometimes I just have to make home seem unappealing. I often think about the expenses that are waiting for me at home. We got diapers, tuition, bills.” hahahah and we’re thinking, “Diapers, huh?” Another elder going home said, “I immediately think of having to pay for a ring and I don’t wanna go home.” Marriage hungry elders are the funniest
Saturday: We were a tad grumpy today and no one was out and it was just frustrating. A member calls and asks us to come over for English help. We complain a little about it to each other and we get to her house and she greats us with a huge bag of groceries and says, “I was just kidding about the English help, I just wanted to give you this.” Wow. Talk about a slap in the face. I seriously need to stop thinking about myself.
Sunday: Branch conference. We had fika afterwards and the members were so surprised we don’t have fika in the states. Nope, we never have food after church. They were like, “Why not? Everyone likes food.” We agreed. All in favor of bringing fika to the states say I.. Yup it’s happening. It felt so good to sustain the prophet from this tiny town of Katrineholm. The church is true no matter where you are.
This week I have been thinking a lot about repentance. My definition of it is changing, I think. I used to be so confused in the scriptures that talked about missionary work that said, “You are called to preach repentance.” I thought that was a bit intense. Who was I to tell people they are sinners and to tell them they need to repent? I understand now though what repentance is. PMG defines it as, “To change our thoughts, beliefs, and behavior that are not in harmony with God’s will. Repentance includes forming a fresh view of God, ourselves, and the world.” I used to think that the scriptures meant I had to go up to every person with a cigarette in their mouth and say, “Hey, I’m sorry, but you’re sinning. I’m gonna need you to repent for that.” Or to go up to every man and woman living together without being married and say, “Oh, so sorry about this, but ya’ll are sinning. I’ll teach you how to repent.” Repentance means changing ANY thoughts, behaviors, or beliefs to be in line with God’s. If that means you need to follow the word of wisdom, then so be it. If that means you need to live the law of chastity, then so be it. But hey, that could mean that you need to wake up a bit earlier to read your scriptures, you need to go to church every Sunday, you need to serve others, and that’s great. We all have to repent. Every single one of us on our journey to perfection NEED repentance.
So, I am called to preach repentance. Which actually means that I am called to invite others to change. I am called to teach about God, to teach about Christ, and to teach about what they want us to do with our lives. And then I am to invite others to come a little closer to them. Put off the natural man. Change their heart. Allow God to bless them and love them and help them along. That is what I am called to do.
We are teaching a woman named Tove. We have been for a while now and it is just so fun to watch her understand this principle of repentance. Like so many of us, Tove has things she is not proud of in her past. She has been far away from God. But as we have taught her I have truly understood what it means to repent. Every time we meet she asks if we can read a chapter together from Mormons Bok. She told us in our last appointment with her that she knows it’s true. She knows it’s from God. And she says, “All I want to do is share it with others.” Oh, we understand. She is repenting and she is coming closer to God. She gave up alcohol, she is living the law of chastity, and she comes to church every week and reads Mormons Bok daily. She is putting her thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors more in line with God’s. And there is truly nothing better than watching it happen.
In Swedish, the word for ‘repentance’ and ‘conversion’ is the same: omvändelse. I love that. They are interchangeable in a way. Repentance, true repentance, is conversion. Repentance is forsaking all that is not in harmony with Christ’s doctrines and embracing all that He taught. That is what conversion is, isn’t it? Conversion is forsaking all that is not of God and embracing all that is. They are the same thing. Without repentance, there can be no conversion. Without an end goal of conversion, no one would need to repent. I just feel like I am getting it. This mission is making the gospel ‘click’ in my head. I understand repentance. I understand that I should have been repenting a long time ago for things I didn’t think required repentance. I understand that repentance isn’t just necessary when you break the law of chastity, don’t live the word of wisdom, gossip, hit your brother (sorry, Zach), or say a bad word. I just understand it. I get it when people say, “I use the atonement throughout the entire day as I ask for forgiveness for faults and shortcomings.” It’s necessary.
A couple weeks ago, my mom sent me a copy of one of the last talks my dad gave. I have been studying it ever since and love a story he told about John Stockton: “I remember the year we drafted John Stockton from Gonzaga University–nobody even knew where Gonzaga was located. I was sure that the jazz had wasted their pick. Over the next year, I became convinced that this was a big mistake. It seemed like he was always making mistakes when he came into the game. As the years went by, however, he became better. As he sat on the bench watching the game, he was studying how each of the players played the game. After the games, he would watch hours of game film so that he could pick up each players favorite moves. During the off-season, he would regularly work with his coaches and work on his own skills. As we all know now, John Stockton is one of the greatest NBA players to have played the game. His assists record will probably never be broken. John Stockton BECAME an NBA player.”
I think this story illustrates how to BECOME the Disciples of Christ that we all want to be. It takes time, it takes practice, it takes a lot of mistakes, but ultimately we will each BECOME the disciples that God needs us to be. It is through repentance that it is all possible.
C.S. Lewis has said, “We may, indeed, be sure that perfect virtues will not be attained by any merely human efforts. You must ask for God’s help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important the virtues may be, this process trains us in the habits of the soul which are more important still. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God. We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection.”
Repentance teaches us how to start again and again and again. It teaches us how to depend on God, because it is oftentimes our prayers of “I am so sorry I have messed up again” that allow God to bless us with strength and determination to not make the same mistake again. Tove is becoming converted everyday as she forsakes the natural man. John Stockton became an NBA player through practice and lots of mistakes. We will each become the Disciples of Christ we want to be through practice and lots of mistakes. But those mistakes will draw us close to the Lord, they will teach us to depend on Him. Repentance teaches us to depend on Him.
I am so thankful for this time that I have to be a missionary. I am thankful for the people I get to meet and for my calling to invite them to repent, to come closer to Christ, and to turn their heart towards God. I am thankful for the experiences I have had to watch people understand the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and to watch it completely take over their lives. I am thankful for my decision to come on a mission and for all it is teaching me. As I said before, I feel like a mission just cements the doctrines on the gospel. I just get it. Things are clicking and I understand why this message is so important. My life and my heart and my very soul is rooted to this glad message I have been asked to declare. I am so thankful for the things in my life that have allowed me to be here.
I love you all and I am so thankful for the support I receive through you. Have a very wonderful week!!
Syster Hannah Powell
