SISTER POWELL: DAILY BREAD
Hello family and friends:
This picture is a little blurry, sorry. This cute family had us over for dinner yesterday. The husband is a Swede, and the wife is from Japan. Getting to talk about my dad and the Japanese culture was the little tender mercy of the day. How very cool that I get to have these conversations with people across the world. I love the gospel and unity that comes with it.
This week’s Swedish surprise occurred on Saturday night. It was almost nine and we were on a bus headed home after an appointment. Well, we are on the other side of Katrineholm and the bus stops to let a girl off, and it doesn’t start up again. We sit there for a few minutes thinking maybe we are ahead of schedule when the driver turns around and tells us this is the last stop. We were like uhhhhhhhhhhhhh……. is there any way you could drive us any closer?? hahaha nope. So we got to enjoy a nice 50 minute walk together. It’s really time to start wearing tights, we were FREEZING. I don’t like the dark and Sweden is nothing but forests lining the roads. It was pitch black and I swore I saw people in the forests. Sys. C. says, ‘Sys. Powell, in a few weeks you know it will be this dark at 2 in the afternoon, right?’ I’M GONNA DIE!
Some highlights from the past two weeks:
-We seriously teach English all the time. Having to explain a ‘modifier’ a ‘determiner’ ‘adjectives’ ‘adverbs’ to foreign language speakers….. Why do I want to teach English again? hahaha it is so fun though.
-Syster C. always laughs cause I have this huge fear of bees. I will run away whenever one comes near me, even if we are contacting or standing on someone’s porch tracting (happens ALL THE TIME). Anyways, we are headed out to help a woman in the ward paint her deck and we are on a bus. There is a bee but I just try to ignore it. I get off the bus and my leg is itching like crazy. I look down and it’s the size of a tomato and I say, ‘Does anyone know what a bee sting looks like?’ I would get stung by a bee and then not even realize it!
I got so many letters this past week from friends and family. I love you all. My cousin wrote me and said something pretty great. She said, ‘You know, I’ve been thinking. I really believe everyone just needs to know about Jesus–it’d make things better in the world.’ I couldn’t agree more!
-Stumbled upon a random circus in the middle of the forest while walking to an appointment. What in the world?
-A member had us over to watch ’17 Miracles’. We were talking before and Syster C. asks, “Maybe we can invite her to learn more about her pioneer ancestors. Do you think she has any?” Well, seeing as how this woman was baptized in the 80’s in Finland with her children, I’m gonna go with no. hahahaha
In church yesterday we had about 25 people, pretty high. In those 20 people alone there were 9 different languages. Swedish, English, Spanish, French, Romanian 2 different African dialects that I’d butcher if I tried to spell, Finnish, and Kurdish. How cool.
-Forced to try caviar from a tube by a less active. Yup. About as tasty as it sounds. Micheala recorded my reaction and it’s a pretty hilarious video. Sorry, your fish in tubes just doesn’t work for me.
-Went to dinner at an investigator with the elders and I’m sitting there thinking, ‘Wooooooooow. I understand every single word this guy is saying!!! I understand Swedish!’ The elders lean over and say, ‘Syster Powell, this man is from Noorland so if you are finding it easy to understand him that’s why.’ -___- cool. Guess I don’t understand Swedish as well as I thought.
-Elder Bednar came and addressed half the mission on Thursday. It was amazing. It gave us all a little taste of what it will be like to sit at the Savior’s feet. He challenged us all to take fewer notes, recording only spiritual promptings, but I wish so badly I could have recorded the entire thing. My mind is still full of the things he talked about and I pray with more and more time I will better understand and apply all the things I learned. He is an apostle of God and what a testimony builder it was to hear his words. Christ is the head of this church and these men who represent Him are truly called of God. At the end of his three hour discussion with us he asked us, ‘Man, has this gone fast for all of you?’ He then explained that the closer we are to the Spirit, the less time affects us. We are eternal beings. Time seems to go quicker when we are near the Spirit. He asked, “Why do you think we are constantly writing in journals and taking pictures? We are eternal beings. We are trying to stop time, as we can inherently feel that it should not exist. Pictures, journals, memories, are a way to stop time and to enjoy our eternal nature.” How very cool.
Today I have decided to write about something that I have truly never thought about before my mission, and that is the concept of “daily bread”. The children of Israel wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. They could not hunt, for there was so many of them, and their situation made it so they could not plant or harvest, as they were constantly moving. They had nowhere to turn for food but to God. For 40 years God gave the Israelites something called manna. Every morning the Israelites would have to go out and gather their needed manna for the day. Aside from Saturday mornings (in preparation for the Sabbath), the Israelites could gather only enough for that day. Any extra would spoil. Every single day the Isrealites were forced to depend–physically–on the Lord for their needed sustenance.
I remember one year in high school when I was talking to my mom and I said, “Man, I am just so excited for summer. I really feel like my “spiritual tank” is a little low.” She asked me, “Why are you excited for summer then?” I explained that in summer there were things like EFY, girls camp, youth conference, and just more time to read the scriptures, ponder, and go to the temple. I felt like so much of my testimony was dependent upon those big spiritual experiences. I really felt like I was low spiritually because it had been so long since I sat around a campfire and bore my testimony with my friends at camp, or had felt the Spirit at a trek devotional or something. I clearly had never considered the idea of “daily bread”.
I used to get so nervous when I heard stories about missionaries going inactive after their missions. I pridefully thought, “Well, those were probably the bad missionaries. They probably just weren’t good elders and sisters and didn’t get everything they could have out of their missions.” I now see how very narrow minded I was. Those missionaries who go inactive after their missions could have been the very best missionaries in the world, but they seem to have forgotten their dependency upon the Lord. They seem to have forgotten to ask each day for their “daily bread”. I used to think that going on a mission would solidify my testimony. That it would be unbreakable by the time I went home. I wouldn’t ever doubt, even if I went a day or two without scriptures. It’s like I’d hit this level of spirituality and this level of my testimony and nothing would ever bring it down.
Like Elder Bednar often does, he let the last hour of our time together on Thursday be a question and answer session. One elder asked, “How do you not grow spiritually tried and weak?” Elder Bednar said it lies in NEVER forgetting the Lord. He said how he would hate to be beautiful and rich, to live in a nice home and have enough money for necessities, be attractive and get anything you want with charm. He said what a curse that is. How easy it is to forget the Lord when all is going well. He said that to truly never grow spiritually tired, you must never forget the Lord. You must never think your situation puts you in a place to skip your daily prayers. You must ask God every single day to grant you with the enabling power of the atonement, just enough to get through that one single day.
In high school I relied on big spiritual experiences to form my testimony. I now see that big spiritual moments are critical in the development of a testimony, but they are not foundational. The foundation of a testimony lies in the little things. It lies in praying each and every day for your needed bread.
The Israelites were instructed to gather enough bread each morning for what each individual needed. This indicates that conversion, and asking the lord for your daily bread, is very personal and individual. And it will change throughout your life. In trails and hardships, your allotted daily bread will be more than in times of less need.
Elder Christofferson said once of a particular trial, “I remember having to go before the Lord with nowhere else to turn, and in tears and pleading to seek for anything He would provide in His love and wisdom. What I learned in that process was what it is like to come to a point in your life where you really have nowhere to turn but to God. And in those circumstances, one truly learns how to pray and how to receive the answers that come.” Asking for just that day’s daily bread is all it takes. At times you will feel like you are in too much need, that day requires too much bread. Then ask for that hour’s bread. Ask the Lord to provide for the next 60 minutes. Then get on your knees and ask again.
For three months now I have been trying to figure out my personal definition of conversion. I have been trying to define what I mean when I say I want to be converted when I return home. This week I think I started to figure it out. There isn’t a certain point in my testimony that I reach to ensure complete conversion. There is a certain mindset. There is a certain level of humility, sacrifice, and faith. There is a daily “tank” to be filled. There are daily prayers to be offered, daily scripture studies to have, and daily bread allotted. There is a change in the very way I go throughout the day. I must not forget the Lord. To be truly converted is to have mastered this principle–something I am years and years away from. To be truly converted is to remember the Lord every second of the day, to ask Him for my daily bread, and to forever thank Him for His kindness.
I am on my journey to conversion. I am on my way to remembering the Lord every single day. I understand now how quickly personal apostasy occurs. I understand how careful I must be for the rest of my life to avoid forgetting the Lord. I understand that spiritual “tanks” and certain dreamed-of levels do not exist. Conversion is not a one time thing, it is not a checklist of needed testimony builders. It is a daily, oh so very consistent, desire of daily bread. It is remembering the Lord daily and it is thanking Him often. It is progress, it is small steps. It is love, it is humility, it is faith, and it is hoping that all will work out. It is trusting that daily bread will come and it will come in time. It is seeing the good and testifying of it. It is choosing to laugh and it is choosing to smile and it is choosing to see God. It is honoring His name and loving His life and emulating Him in all you do. It is personal–it is a personal journey. It’s taking what you need for that day, be it a lot or a little. It is looking outward. It is looking for ways to help others receive their daily bread. I wish so desperately I could have figured all of this out sooner–how much better my life would have been. I am thankful for the opportunity that I have here to learn. I am learning, as Elder Christofferson talked about, how to truly pray. I have had times where for the very first time in my life I had to turn to the Lord, for there existed nothing else. I have learned how to receive answers and I will continue to learn that art for the rest of my life.
I know daily bread exists. I have felt the enabling power of the atonement that carries us this daily bread so many times on my mission. I have felt the strength the Lord is waiting to give us if we will but ask. I testify that Christ lives. I testify that He is the daily bread. It is Him that we need every day. I love my Savior and I love this mission. I love this time I have to come closer to Him, to understand better His love for me, and to learn how to ask for my daily bread. I love this work and I love you all! Thank you for the love and prayers and support.
