In my case my ex associated me with negative memories relating to issues with his son. One of the most critical factors a person experiences in depression is lack of self-worth and excessive worry. Know that it is not you. It is not even them. As a result, he concludes that hes better off on his own and that he needs to run away from people to focus on himself. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the. Ive seen this happen many times and its honestly very sad. Hes the dumper no matter what hes dealing with. If anyone wants to connect and talk through it together, I would love that because none of my friends have been through this before to really advise :/. Exes who become depressed after the breakup tend to crave a relationship with the dumpee whereas those who leave because of depression want a lot of alone time. Thank you all. Loads of people with mental health conditions are able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, happy relationships. My heart is broken. Hey, thank you for everything you have written, reading your messages makes me realise that I am not alone in this and there are other people living the exact same thing ! My emotions at present are like an R rated version of a Magic Eight Ball in the hands of an over-caffeinated child. maybe we can talk privately? Contrary to happy, mature couples, selfish boyfriends tend to do whats best for them. There are many types of depression, but we wont talk about all of them today. Be kind to yourself. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. A person dealing with depression for the past few months has lived through hell on earth. Just because someone is depressed, has anxiety, or [insert mental illness here], doesn't mean you should write them off. He did say, its me, not you. Later on though he said I was a wonderful person and he doesnt want to lose me. A dog or a cat will likely provide you with more comfort and security than someone who finds it excruciatingly painful to help his or her partner get through a difficult time. How is it going for you now? My boyfriend with anxiety suddenly breaks up with me Bipolar boyfriend broke up with me and I'm having trouble coping. Thing's just recently started going downhill, causing him to quit his job and to be admitted to the hospital. I realised this was recent I experienced the same just a couple of weeks after you and knew exactly how you felt. I have been writing a journal on everything that happened from the day, how I felt and what my thoughts were in details. boyfriend broke up with me because he's depressed Everything seemed perfect, we had a beautiful, mature relationship for 2 years. Eventually, as the intensity of repressed emotions increases, a depressed person starts pushing people awayeven those close to him. How Can You Communicate After Your Depressed Partner Leaves? But it is important to keep in mind that, while dealing with depression, especially if he is not under treatment, be it therapy or medication, he might be experiencing intense depressive symptoms, and that is what is controlling their actions and behaviors right now. I know you want to help your boyfriend and get back together with him, but as long as hes depressed, hes set on leaving. Its hard to see that right now, but give it some time and youll see. He told me he didnt treat me the way I should be treated and I dont deserve that because Im an amazing person. A condition in and of itself is not a reason to . Depression is such a condition which can seriously affect interpersonal relationships. This COVID situation isnt helping at all, it changed our life and hurt our relashionship, as we cant visit each others and our daily life changed. And that only leaves you with one thing to do. He needed to break up with you, be it temporarily, because some aspect or aspects of the . I recommend the Depression Fallout forum and the book Depression Fallout by Ann Sheffield. How are you feeling? Hi there. severely depressed boyfriend broke up with me And to think that this man was so in love with me just a month ago..i just feel like i don't know what to do or where we stand. He could just be dealing with stress and doesnt know how to handle his stress. We really loved each other from the bottom of our heart, and it would only become and grow more and more as days passed. By answering these questions, youll have a better understanding of whats going on inside your ex-boyfriends head. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. This is what depression is and does, it breaks everything that is beautiful, loving, and good. If your boyfriend pretended to be depressed, you need to know that he used a very common Its not you, its me excuse. He fooled you into pitying him and leaving him alone so he could do whatever he wanted to do. Things will make much more sense when you regain emotional independence. Get active. But some factors may make it easier for a person to feel depressed. hello, im going through something similar. He told them "if it's not me, it's nobody else!" and sexually assaulted her with a pellet gun, records show . Dont let this impact how much you admire your partner, but also leave an open door for checking on each other. It has been commonly understood that positive symptoms of schizophrenia decline in later life, https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/divorcing-depression#Helping a depressed spouse. I told him Id always be here for him and how much I love him. More often than not, the stronger person eventually loses respect for the depressed person and thinks of him or her as a burden. I understand he wants to work on himself and I actually think thats a good thing. Yes. Ive been there for him this whole time but he never once got help. They may be depressed, but if their exes hadnt made them feel unwanted emotions, they wouldnt have pushed them away. It helps him focus on his issues and lets him not worry about yours. know what could happen for them to have a better relationship in the future.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'psychreel_com-portrait-1','ezslot_23',127,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-portrait-1-0'); This article showed why a depressed boyfriend might break up with their partner. and would complain about everything in his life. Be Careful About Breaking Up When You're Depressed | by Karen Nimmo | On The Couch | Medium 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. She already was a bit depressed before this, as she has a really difficult background and childhood. He does this because people close to him have a lot of expectations, requests, and sometimes even demands. Thanks for your question. Before the breakup, he ghosted me for a week almost & told me he needs to think about things. This is hard to hear, but you need to be aware of that possibility, Amy. What is way more important than your relationship is your partners health. And just to be able to know Im still the person he wants to be with. Lets reverse roles for a minute. Don't take it personally when he pushes you away or avoids your calls/texts 3. So stay in no contact, get therapy, and do your best to get over your ex. She said she still has a lot of love for me, and care for me more than anyone else she knows, and that she still want me in her life, she wants to be there for me, and she wants me to be there for her, as we were best friends before being boyfriend/girlfriend. When your partner is suffering from depression, he or she does not have a control that could be exercised voluntarily to stop the symptoms. Second, what the relationship has been for you, what it meant for you is not necessarily what it meant for him. Ask him if there is something else making him feel so down and low. Observe his actions. It's run by a man, John Folk-Williams, who has lived through this himself. We love each other & I was honestly shocked when he blindsided me with a breakup. Before you engage in self-blame, though, you need to know that your ex-boyfriend left because he couldnt communicate his issues and work on his issues alone or with you. He probably wants to distract himself so he doesnt see any reminders of you. It breaks my heart. When he broke up with me, he told me he couldn't be in a relationship right now and that he needed to be alone to figure his head out. I did see it coming, he has done it a few months prior this break up, too. That was why he broke up with you in the first place. He also said he doesnt want to be friends or see me frequently because thatll just make moving on harder for him. then said "I Love you" for the first time. Im doing no contact only when I have to speak about the kids etc but he blows hot and cold and accuses me of being uncivil. If your ex is going out a lot, sleeping with other women, and having a good time, he obviously isnt depressed or having a hard time coping with stress. She doesnt know why she wake up mean and irritated towards me, and that she is afraid she will keep feeling this way and hurt me. I did drop a letter off at his home when wasnt there. All she had was work, studies, and she had to learn to pay bills on her own, manage her money and have to worry about it. your partners mental health. I just want him to be happy and I wish I could help him. We ended up being friends for a year, becoming best friends and he asked me out last July. Heartbroken: Boyfriend with Depression Broke up with Me Weeks go by and the pain hasnt gotten any better. Its not his fault, but the pain is making you feel frustrated, forcing you to appear out of character. Hell try to be happy for a while and will feel like he is. Depression is so peculiar couples break up because of it and also get back together because of it (because they want help). There are a lot of stories here about the break up because of the depression (thank you so much to everyone for sharing) but does anyone have a bit more perspective on how these situations actually evolve? Follow the rules of no contact and let him come to you. For that, the article explained what depression is, and in what ways depression impacts a persons romantic relationship. Other than genetic inheritance, an individuals experiences,environment and perceptions plays an important part as well. While hes doing that, its best that you stay away from him and give him the space he needs. I just dont know how I can help him because when I did go see him & call him even after the breakup, he didnt pick up my calls or reply to my messages. Week into my breakup now. Genes are not the only factor responsible though. He has been depressed for a long time (pretty much our entire relationship which was 2.5yrs) and told me that after I had been gone travel nursing (1 solid month apart) he just spiraled so deep that he didnt even know if he loved me anymore (he said he just didnt feel anything about anything). They would have expressed how they felt and looked for solutions to work together despite their mental health illness. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Hes to sad to even text me back saying that seeing my name makes him feel so depressed and how unhappy he is. Did you guys talk again? Its brought me a lot of strength and hope as Im going through the same thing recently. Depression sometimes puts additional weight on a relationship and makes the couple struggle to stay emotionally connected. Depression is exactly what I suspect my husband has. If he thinks he needs some space and time to be left alone, offer that to him. There's also a good blog, called Storied Mind, that has a lot of postings from people in the same spot you're in. TOPICS HEALTH INFO. My depressed boyfriend broke up with me (7 ways to reconnect), https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/divorcing-depression#, a lack of relationships or withdrawal from previous relationships, negative feelings toward yourself and others, reduced emotional abilities, including having less verbal or nonverbal expressions, difficulty adjusting to social situations, a tendency toward showing fake emotions, such as pretending youre happy at a wedding, a loss of libido or a lack of interest in physical intimacy, persistent physical problems, such as being sick often. When you are breaking up with someone you are still in love with, it might be good, to be honest. It has been about a month of us being broken up. At first, we were just casually talking, learning about each others, spending time together everyday, for quite a while and so we basically were friend, best friends. But when something bad happens (not implying that it will), he could want someone to help him get through his misery. Ever since I found out about this, Ive been more understanding of his issues & whenever I ask how hes doing, he doesnt like sharing his thoughts or concerns regarding his depression with anyone (not even family). Weve been dating for 2 years and a few days ago he broke it off saying he needs to get mentally right and cant sustain a relationship. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Home Relationships My boyfriend is depressed and broke up with me (+ Understanding what happens), As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided. In the beginning we struggled as he had deeper feelings for me. If He Loves You, He Will Come Back No Matter What! Instead of talking about it, he (secretly) blames you for it and thinks you dont listen or sympathize with him. How did your stories develop since you posted here? Always remember that people who care about you will stay in your life and come to your aid. She said she needs time and space to work on herself and she hopes that in time when she feels better, that well try and get back together, when shell have a clear fresh mind. If you feel your husbands depression is no more tolerable and divorce is the only option available, do not leave them untreated in the mid-way. Thats because he may not let go of the negative thoughts and emotions he associated with you. Sometimes we have problems, and we need to have the knowledge and strength to deal with them. My boyfriend has a terrible relationship with his dad. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-leader-1','ezslot_7',110,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-leader-1-0'); If you feel, after the breakup, there is still some space and desire to reconnect, especially if all this is new to you, communicating with them, trying to understand how they feel, and maybe being by their side in looking for help can be a good way to rekindle the relationship. This understanding does not help me to fill the hole in my heart though, so sad. We spent everyday focusing on our studies, our work, while building our love, our relashionship, looking forward to that future together where we would finally be able to be together. I never asked him not to be her friend just not to bring her up because it brought back a lot of trauma for me. I'm also glad you think you have great qualities such as being a hard working independent woman. The only difference is that depressed dumpers blame the breakup on their depression whereas normal dumpers dont. Hi, I have been in a (very) long distance relationship for about a year and a half. That was the only way he could stop investing time and energy in you and feeling pressured into doing things he didnt want to do. When your partner is suffering from depression, he or she does not have a control that could be exercised voluntarily to stop the symptoms. Everything started to go downhill starting January 2021. I apologize for being so frank, but people with depression dont just have problems with themselves. Is it possible hell come back to me when hes feeling ready? Its been 3 days since we last talked and we have talked everyday for 4 years. If you want him back then you're going to have to make a few changes. Theyre forgetting to mention why they fell out of love and what kind of behavior or attitude made it hard for them to redevelop their romantic feelings. 1 Feb 20, 2017 #1 My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. She would be stuck in her bed sleeping all day long, waking up to study, work, eat, then sleep. She was getting more and more in depression ever since she moved, and i really tried my best to be there for her, to show her that i care and love her, and that shes not alone and that ill always be there for her, as usual and as i always did since we met. Ever since that day we moved on to being in couple, every single day, every single moments were the happiest and the best of my life, of our life. As a matter of fact, its only gotten worse because now youre getting frustrated as well. https://www.healthcentral.com/amp/article/depressed-boyfriend-broke-feels-needs-alone-how-show-together, My boyfriend is depressed and broke up with me (+ Understanding what happens), Excessive crying or inability to cry even when they want to. His mother became ill which he had to take care of her and his own medical issues. People might also have a higher chance of getting depressed if they have been through a previous depressive episode, or they have a family history of depression. Its not uncommon to get blindsided by a depressed boyfriend. What Eckard means is that people depend on external sources for happiness and your ex will probably as well. And as long as you are open to it, learn and grow with the challenges. As the title suggests, my (ex) boyfriend who struggles with depression broke up with me. I met him online and things moved pretty fast, he was very loving and always calling me and texting me. It really makes me mad because this probably only made it worse, she probably feel like she cant be helped at all and lose hope in any help, and it probably played on her mental health again since then. And it is a grieving process. I got to know through his friends that he has now focused more towards religion & has also mentioned that relationships arent working for him at all. Healthy dumpers tend to make excuses, blame their ex, or just explain why things happened the way they did. These emotions are likely a natural part of losing touch with someone who mattered to you. He lost his mum, dad, and 2 best friends all in the space of 2 years. Just good times when we were physically together. It is the most confusing experience Ive ever had in my life. Surround yourself with loved ones. Boyfriend Broke Up with Me Because He is Depressed Manage Settings Genetic inheritance may be a cause behind your partners depression which he has not got any control over. He said he doesnt want to hurt me anymore than he already has. The most important thing you need to understand about breakups caused by depression is that they dont happen overnight. He even apologized for the relationship being one sided that he was sorry for neglecting me for 2 or 3 weeks and would do better. Also, that he still wants me in his life, but can't be romantic with me. My boyfriend and fiance of 5 1/2 years dumped me last night. Depressed ex-boyfriend dumped me, gave up and being cold and cruel Thank you for sharing. They can try to make you feel insecure about yourself and the relationship, and with that, the relationship might become co-dependent. Boyfriend broke up with me because he has depression and anxiety. I understand that sometimes depression can change the dynamics of a romantic relationship. Depression My boyfriend broke up with me because his depression and anxiety has gotten worse. Have cried for 12 hours straight. It can come from little white lies to more serious matters. Thats why he started to crave a life without you and detached completely. Refresh the page, check Medium 's site status, or. You must understand that a depressed boyfriend will break up with you when he thinks that the breakup will help him feel better. Even being apart, we would call, videocall, text, watch movies together, listen to musics together, play games, every single day and whenever it was possible. Do they match his words? I thought he might be depressed so I brought him flowers & food almost everyday although he didnt want to talk to me; hed barely looked at me in the face. They can also feel empty, and lose pleasure in activities they used to love.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-box-4','ezslot_4',126,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-box-4-0'); A person can get depressed for many reasons. If you try to show him you care about him, hell feel disrespected like any other dumper and want even more space and distance. How did things evolve for you both ? Show him the correct path towards recovery. I am so stuck on thinking who he was just a short time ago and how he felt so lucky to have me to just withdrawing and wanting to be alone, completely. I am in no contact, its been 2 weeks. People may also start to avoid spending time with their partners. He said he doesn't know what he wantsso i said "so you love me, but don't know what you want?" We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Depressed boyfriend broke up with me, what is the best way to navigate this? Im so confused and hurt and dont know what to do. My boyfriend of nearly 5 months just broke up with me, saying he was too messed up to be in a relationship. Along with that, the article will also suggest ways people might cope with a breakup.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[468,60],'psychreel_com-box-3','ezslot_24',102,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-box-3-0'); There can be many reasons why a person with depression might wish to end their relationship. It often consists of unexpressed emotions that build up over time. Hi! Ask him what exactly he feels about his situation. For now, give him the space he needs and focus on yourself. Do you think its the depression and anxiety talking as to why he broke up with me? I made the decision to leave the relationship, I didnt want to, but I didnt want to add to his stress and having to worry about pleasing me. Should I message him in a few weeks asking how hes doing? During this time we barely fought and were super compatible--we were always joking around and having fun. When he broke up with me he was so cold and distant, as if he were a completely different person. The first thing to do is to remember that not all relationships are perfect. I am so torn right nowalthough we have only been together for a short time (four months), what we had was real. Depressed boyfriend broke up with me, how can I help him? My (ex)boyfriend has told me he was depressed before we met and he has had dark thoughts ever since he was about 10 years old. He kept disappointing me by canceling plans last minute and when I finally communicated my disappointment, which we agreed to do, he said I triggered him and caused his anxiety to raise everytime I messaged him. If your boyfriend broke up with you because hes depressed or unhappy, you can be certain he didnt make a quick decision. If your ex left you because of depression, you need to understand that hes not your ideal partner. Or when he really starts to realize how much he misses me and starts feeling better? They no more experience any feelings and emotions, nor do they realize how important you are in his life. Do I just still treat him like a dumper?! I told him I will wait for him while he works things out. You have to make sure your husband/boyfriend is motivated to engage in day to day activities as well as recreations such as hobbies, games etc. Even if you cannot stay with your partner, please help them get proper treatment and medication. I dont want to lose him forever, I love him so much and I just wish I could help him :((((( please help if you can. He suffers from depression, and I believe to also be bipolar. Depressed boyfriend broke up with me - HealingWell My boyfriend of two months became very overwhelmed with events happening in his life that were out of his control. PsychReel do not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Everything was going well in our relationship, occasional fights here & there but nothing truly significant. .Set boundaries. You might think about seeing a therapist yourself to work through this. He is going to therapy. A few days ago my severely depressed boyfriend broke up with me claiming i am much better off without him ..He wants to fight this battle by himself.. He's on strong medications .seeing psychiatrist .so he is getting help.. at the moment he's got his hand full helping him self..quitting smoking and alcohol all at once while working full . This will make you feel connected and loved, as it will also give you a space to talk about your feelings and be supported. They express that the breakup is not their girlfriends fault and that they have some things to figure out on their own. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-netboard-1','ezslot_18',118,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-netboard-1-0'); Through that, you both will learn the best ways to help and communicate with each other. Following all the above advice, you may be able to treat the root cause of your breakup i.e. He hasnt spoken to anyone about the separation and carries on like nothings happening. Depressed boyfriend on antidepressants suddenly broke up with me We still see each other because of an organization we're both apart of btw. I wish that he felt the way I did (that we can weather any storm together) but this blog will help me to keep looking forward and to let him go. He says he doesn't want to cut off contact and I know he would be really sad if we did that. If I may ask, how is everything going with you and your girlfriend now? His unhappiness had been accumulating for days, weeks, or perhaps even longer. My boyfriend is depressed and yesterday he broke up with me, he told me that he wasn't happy and he didn't have the time to give me the attention that I deserve. Hi there. It can be inferred that your boyfriend might have had extreme mood fluctuations which made him take such a decision of breaking up. Thats why depressed dumpers dont go into detail too much. I am still grieving right now and will share my story. She may think of herself as a burden and would want you to be free. This can make it hard for them to be around people, even if the person, their partner in that matter, is supportive and understanding. Eckard Tolle, best known as the author of The Power of Now says; Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within.
